Category Archives: quackery

Article: Slut-shaming meets metaphysical psychobabble

Each time a man connects with a woman sexually and releases his life form energy within her, he leaves a part of his information (DNA) in her birth canal.

‘Casual sex’ with multiple partners can intertwine the energies and spirits of a lot of people into your own aura if they are not severed and cleansed. You become joined to every person with whom your partner has slept, as well as all the partners those people had. This type of “soul clutter” can be felt by your partner’s subconscious. Even if they are not completely in tune or aware of the extra-curricular sexual activities, they still are able to sense the subtle disturbances of multiple energies and/or familiar spirits that have entered causing restlessness and inner turmoil. The longer and more intimate the contact with another person, the more powerful the reinforcement and the interaction of the bond becomes, and all the more difficult it is for them to untangle and leave.

1. What the actual fuck?

Even as a person who has very complicated feelings around sex, who feels there is a distinction between fucking and making love, and who knows undoubtedly that monogamy is a happier situation for her than any variation on polyamory, I still don’t get why people get so uppity about what other people choose to do with their bodies.

Are you happy? Is it consensual? Are you being smart about mitigating risk (pregnancy, STIs, or otherwise)? Good. Then go about your business! Fuck one person. Fuck no one. Fuck multiple consenting adults. Fuck fast, fuck slow. Fuck because you want to get off. Fuck because you want to share something deeply intimate with someone else. Fuck because you want kids. Fuck because you’ve made a permanent decision to not have kids and that kind of freedom is amazing.

Our bodies do not carry a tiny imprint of the DNA of whoever jizzed inside us a week, a month, or ten years ago. We are not who we have slept with and there is no such thing as emotional vibrations or whatever the fuck this article – and I use that term loosely – is talking about. Sex can absolutely be a deeply emotional experience, and the chemical components of semen can be a molotov that encourages bonding between sexual partners. But that doesn’t mean that our bodies carry the memories of all out past partners, and their partners, and their partners’ partners, and so on. People, your genitals are not being haunted by orgasms past.

As a society we need to put an end to this obsession we have with other peoples’ naughty bits and how they do or do not make use of them. Hetero, homo, with one personal or with a hundred people – what people do in the bedroom… or shower… or kitchen table… or balcony overlooking the city – is not anyone’ concern but your own and the people you are sharing your body with. As long as everyone involved is safe, happy, and consenting, who gives a fuck who or how you fuck?

2. Metaphysical word salad bullshit.

Soul clutter, aura, internal temple, vibration system, conjuring powers

I… I can’t even with this. The comments section may also actually drive me mad. What happened to critical thinking? Why is this non-information churned out by assholes like David Wolfe, Food Babe, and whatever cretin is responsible for this load of absolute bullshit so readily accepted and parroted? Why are people fellating the alternative health & medicine industry so goddamn hard?

Rayne Constantine, who runs the Insufferable Intolerance blog on Facebook, encapsulated the whole alternative industry pretty well in her article “7 Ways Alternative Medicine Tricks You Into Thinking It Works“:

Alternative medicine is multi-billion dollar industry, one that is entirely comprised of severely underqualified people who missed out on medical school, acting the role of a healthcare provider, dispensing either untested or proven ineffective materials that act as medicine. It’s an industry that is unregulated and actively attempts to exempt itself from the same standard of rigorous scientific testing, its counterpart Medicine is mandated to adhere to. As the name cleverly implies, alternative medicine is the alternative to medicine – it’s not medicine, it’s not based in science and lacks evidence to support even the fundamental ideas of many of its practices.

I read an article the other day that actually tried to sell the benefits of sleeping with an onion in your sock at night. I’ve read other articles on the benefits of basically sitting spread eagle and dousing your vagina with UV. People who have earned their PhD via the magic of Google will sell you on the benefits of detoxing with juice cleanses because apparently they never learned about the role of say, the liver, in the body. And if your meal isn’t made with organic, non-GMO, gluten-free ingredients at a heavy mark-up then you must be a shill for Big Pharma. Wake up, sheeple!

Jokes aside, this shit is dangerous.

This is the industry that is allowing children to die because their parents believe that vaccines cause autism (a claim stemming from a now-retracted paper published on the Lancet that is unanimously refuted by proponents of evidence-based medicine).

This is the industry that is actively participating in the extinction of animals to facilitate the collection of exotic ingredients for remedies that are unproven to be effective.

This is the industry that is causing people to hemorrhage money to buy products that are ineffective at best and dangerous at worst.

I’d like to leave something here… The Skeptic’s Creed that is recited at the end of every episode of Cognitive Dissonance:

Credulity is not a virtue
its fortune
mommy issue
babylon bullshit
couched in scientician
double bubble toil and
pseudo quasi alternative
accu punctuating pressurized stereogram
pyramidal free energy healing
watered downward spiral brain deadpan sales pitch late night
Leo Pisces cancer-cures detox reflex foot massage
death and towers tarot cards
psychic healing crystals balls
bigfoot yeti aliens
churches mosques and synagogues
giant worms
atlantis dolphins
truthers birthers
witches wizards
shaman healers
conspiracy doublespeak stigmata nonsense
expose your sides
thrust your hands
doubt even this.